


Bartender One Shot (Creek and Craig’s Gang)

by BrightStarWrites



Category: South Park
Genre: Drinking, M/M, a very drunk tweek, craig being a very good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 12:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13704366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightStarWrites/pseuds/BrightStarWrites
Summary: Clyde is preparing for his bartender exam and decides to make a complicated coffee based drink for Tweek. Tweek drinks every attempt and becomes very intoxicated. I wonder what will happen?





	Bartender One Shot (Creek and Craig’s Gang)

**Author's Note:**

> I have aged up the characters to the American drinking age of 21 as they are American. This fic was originally posted on my tumblr (and has been my most popular work to date) and was inspired by this drink I found at a local restaurant.  
> https://brightstarblogs.tumblr.com/post/169630661742/i-found-tweeks-perfect-alcoholic-drink-i-mean  
> Also special thanks to the tumblr user idfkenny for helping me with the jokes

Clyde was struggling. He was practicing his bartender skills as he had an exam the following week.

“Guys I really need some help, I need you guys to pick some really difficult drinks for me to make so I can practice.”

Clyde addressed his 3 friends, Tweek, Craig and Jimmy. They had come round Clyde’s to help him out with his exam, but so far they had been less then useful.

“Where’s Token by the way? He said he’d come and help out like you guys.” Clyde said as Jimmy took his phone out of his pocket and showed Clyde the message he sent him.

“He’s h-h-hanging out with N-Nicole today as she needed him t-t-to model for her art f-f-final this week.” Jimmy explained.

“Doesn’t he know bro code, bros before hoes dude!” Clyde exclaimed.

“I thought you liked Nicole” Craig pointed out.

“I do but she’s not the only one with an exam next week. Come on guys I really need help here.” Clyde whined.

It was Tweek who looked up from his phone first.

“I don’t drink Clyde. I Gaah only really like coffee, so unless you can find something like that I don’t think I can help.” Tweek informed as Craig turned to his boyfriend.

“Honey I just found this, maybe Clyde can make you this?”

The boys gathered round Craig’s phone and looked at the drink description.

Clyde read aloud. “Mexpresso Martini, Expresso shot, Tia Maria, Vodka and Caramel. I can defiantly practice with this, please let me make this for you Tweek. Something like this will really impress my boss.”

Tweek turned to Craig. “You Nugh have to promise me that you will make sure I get home safe and I don’t hurt myself.” he informed Craig with is usual nervous shake.

“Babe do you think I would be mean and put you in danger, no I’ll make sure you stay safe if you get too drunk.” Craig reassured.

“Okay Clyde, if you think you can make it I’ll try it.” Tweek smiled optimistically.

Clyde got a little teary. “Thank you so much Tweek.”

Clyde gave him a massive hug, Craig glared a little, Tweek just smiled and hugged him back.

 

* * *

 

“D-d-dude, are you sure this isn’t to advanced for you.”

Jimmy looked a little concerned as Clyde attempted the drink for the 4th time. Every time Clyde tried to make the drink like in the picture he’d always mess up. It never looked right. Craig on the other hand was looking at Tweek carefully. Tweek had downed every attempt and he was now giggling to himself.

“Clyde…. Maybe you should stop for now.” Craig said in a nervous tone in his voice.

“No I gotta do this.” Clyde decided.

“I know but I’m worried about my boyfriend.” Craig answered him with obvious concern in his voice.

Tweek lifted his head. “Don’t worry about sme Craig. I feel fine.”

His face was bright red.

“bring sme another! WOO!” Tweek giggled out.

“Honey, I don’t think you are fine, your not used to alcohol and this is really strong.” Craig worriedly said to Tweek.

Jimmy looked at Tweek’s red face and just turned to Clyde.

“D-d-dude Tweek is w-w-wasted and you still haven’t m-m-m-made the drink look like the p-picture. I t-think you better stop.” Jimmy seemed slightly concerned as well.

“Fine, this is the last attempt.” Clyde said in defeat.

 

* * *

 

“I did it! Doesn’t it look like the picture!”

The 7th attempt had been perfect.

“Right so just a splash of vodka and 4 drops of caramel. Tweek what do you think.”

Tweek swayed his head up. “I shink you are adorable Clyde Donavan, you are the best bartender… oh I don’t have any money to pay you… I know, I’ll pay you in a kiss!”

Tweek tried to lean into Clyde but Craig grabbed him to quickly.

“Okay babe… That’s enough booze for you.” Craig decided quickly.

“But I have to pay for them.” Tweek slurred.

Clyde was blushing a little. “err, Tweek I’m flattered but I don’t think kissing you would be a good idea, besides I’m straight.” Clyde told Tweek awkwardly.

“You just haven’t kissed the right boy dude, you would be an awesome gay.” Tweek decided with a high pitched giggle.

“Craig do something!” Clyde whined.

“You’re the one who made the drinks for him!” Craig pointed out to Clyde.

“Craig I’m right aren’t I, Maybe Clyde can be our 3rd when we next-” Tweek teased.

Craig slammed his head over Tweek’s mouth, he was bright red. “You are not asking Clyde that!” Craig said sternly.

“Craig was he offering me to join you in a….. threesome…” Clyde asked.

“… Anyway, I think we need to get Tweek something to eat.” Craig tried his best to change the conversation away.

Craig lifted his hand off Tweeks mouth slowly. Tweek was just smiling at him with the biggest grin on his face. Craig then helped Clyde and Jimmy put all the alcohol away.

“Craig, Jimmy where did the bottle of Tia Maria go?”

Jimmy spoke up. “It was h-h-here when you pasted Tweek the last d-d-drink, it should still be here?”

Craig then turned around to see Tweek with the bottle.

“You gwys looking for thish?”

Craig stared with wide eyes. “Honey, please hand it to me.”

Tweek smiled mischievously. “You have to catch me first.”

Craig yelled. “CLYDE!”

Clyde darted towards him. “On it!”

Craig and Clyde tried to pin Tweek but he managed to slip past them. He was laughing like, well a dunk man.

“You gwys need to be more careful.”

Clyde managed to grab him by the ankle though and he feel over.

“Got ya Tweek!”

Tweek laughed and looked at him with lustful eyes. “Oh you got me, now for your reward.”

He kissed Clyde on the lips, Clyde went as white as a ghost.

Craig on the other hand rugby tackled his boyfriend off Clyde. “Tweek!”

“Hehehe…. Now I’ve paid for my drinks.”

Jimmy went over to Clyde. “B-b-bro are you okay?”

Clyde looked towards Craig. “… Craig I’m a little jealous, your boyfriends is a great kisser.”

Craig stared at Clyde, a dangerous glare in his eyes. “… I will punch you.”

Tweek just laughed. He then looked down and whined. “ I need the toilet Craig.”

“Okay babe, you know where it is.”

“Be wright back.”

As Tweek waddled off the other three put the rest of Clyde’s stuff away and made sure all alcohol was out of Tweek’s reach.

Clyde turned to Craig. “By the way, sorry about that dude, I was just trying to be funny about the kiss. I’m defiantly still straight.”

“It’s fine, I just never knew Tweek would be like this.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey guys!”

Tweek had finally come back and was now wearing just his boxers and had his shirt undone.

“Tweek, honey what are you doing!” Craig ran over to him and started trying to button his shirt back up.

“Craig stop, it’s really hot, I can’t deal with it.”

He then leaned into him. “You look sho handsome right now.”

Craig blushed. “Tweek not now. Clyde a little help… JIMMY PUT THAT PHONE DOWN!”

Jimmy sniggered. “D-d-dude this is g-gold, I have to get t-this on video.”

Craig glared and flipped him off. Jimmy slowly put the phone down.

Clyde went to go find Tweek’s trousers for Craig. Craig had almost gotten his shirt buttoned up when Tweek shoved him onto the sofa. Craig look up as Tweek leapt on him.

“Craig I feel so hot and I want to-”

Craig covered him mouth again and spoke calmly and soothingly.

“Tweek, I am flattered you want to do that right now, but you are drunk, like really drunk. I don’t want to take advantage of you so ask me again when you are sober okay?”

He hugged Tweek tightly.

Tweek started to cry. “I wove you so much Craig!” His eyes were streaming.

Craig just smiled “I love you too.”

Tweek then started laughing again, “You said you wove me… you are so gay.”

Craig face palmed

Clyde returned with Tweek’s trousers. Craig forced them back on much to Tweek’s disagreement. Tweek then decided to put YouTube on and start singing along to music videos. Craig had to stop Jimmy with the camera phone again.

Craig turned to Clyde, “Don’t ever let him drink again. I am holding you responsible for this mess.”

“I know, I just wanted to pass that test, I promise I won’t again, one kiss was enough (even it was good)”

Craig kicked him in the shin. “I was kidding, I would never steal Tweek.”

Craig smirked. “Just making sure you don’t forget.”

 

* * *

 

Token walked into Clyde’s house and was greeted to the scene of a half awake Clyde, Craig and Jimmy and a once again half naked Tweek still singing and dancing, the coffee had kept him awake all night and the alcohol was still in his system.

“What happened here?” Token asked, slightly amused.

Clyde stared at Token. “I made Tweek a coffee flavoured Martini as practice for my exam and he’s been drunk ever since.” Clyde explained.

“Y-y-you missed a l-lot dude.” Jimmy said.

Tweek turned to Token. “Token! How are you!” Tweek greeted happily.

“uhh, is he still drunk?” Token asked as Craig looked up.

“Yes, he’s been flurting with me all night… and singing.” Craig told Token.

“Mmm, I’ve been flirting with everybody” Tweek said with a giggle.

“Craig, the next time we do it we should add a little chocolate in the mix don’t you think?” Tweek giggled out as Craig turned bright red.

“Don’t say things like that babe!” Craig said embarrassed

“Okay, I know what to do.”

Token walked over to Tweek and slowly grabbed his hand and put him on the sofa. He sung a lullaby and put a blanket over him. In minuets he was asleep. The other three looked at him in disbelieve.

“Okay, how the f&*k did you do that, he’s my boyfriend and I never have been able to do that.” Craig said in awe.

“I’ve been like a mother to you and Clyde when you two have been drunk, you pick up some skills. Now you three, get to sleep yourselves, I’ll tidy up.”

Clyde and Jimmy were already out at this point and Craig was about to but he got up and lied down next to Tweek. Two minuets later all four boys were out.

Token went to Clyde’s closet and put blankets over all of them.

“I really am a mother to four kids sometimes.” He sighed to himself


End file.
